Finding Love Through Broken Glass
by Yawping Stance
Summary: He lost his only love, and now there is only emptiness inside. An SWD 18 Emo!fic product. Rating for head-bashing ANGST and character death. ONESHOT.


**Disclaimer**: We don't own Harry Potter. We're pretty emo, but we're moving on.

**A/N:** This is me, Hannah, typing this up . . . this is a little project that Samdum and I started working on towards the beginning of the summer. It was my duty to do the last part, type it, and post it . . . but I get distracted easily. My apologies, I hope you can forgive me!! :sad face: By the way, this is supposed to in the "emo" style. Enjoy. _And this is me, Samdum, posting it. It's on my account because apparently the e-mail for SWD18 was suspended due to disuse and my computer is being stupid and not letting me reactivate it, and Hannah changed her password, so I can't get into her account. So, just as a notice, this fic will be moved to SWD18 just as soon as we can get our e-mail up and running again._

As the eastern sky slowly became lighter and pinker, I felt that my very being was being blotted away with each fading star. It almost felt as if I would cease to exist when the sun would burn away the dust that would remain of me. The hope associated would be as false to my very being as a hallucination to the drug addict. The hallucination, however, would be welcome instead of this pain. And oh, I wished that that this awful ache could be physical! I might think it possible to survive it.

Her life had been cut all too short. I heard Harry and Ron talking about it in their room. The words "dead" and "Death Eaters" were all I needed to hear, and I knew what had happened. In that instant, my heart died.

Our love affair had been a long and happy one. Ron and Harry introduced us, and it was love at first sight; my heart took flight with her. We'd made so many plans: building our own home, children, growing old together. All that . . . gone.

I had suffered losses in the past- it was hard not to in a cruel society such as ours. Family, friends, all heartlessly murdered in the line of duty (except, of course, for Aunt Edna, who finally realized that the incredible pressure of life's unfeeling and mocking laugh was too much, and dove straight into a car park at top speed). But this loss . . . the love here had been different from the others. I would have died a million deaths in her place if only she could have lived! Oh, but alas!

I was trapped here alone, alone in this awful nightmare with plaguing demons, whispering reminders of her death. The whispers penetrated every atom that was ever cursed enough to belong to me. The world was a prison with the snickering reaper as my guard.

It was soon after her death that I fell into darkness. It wasn't possible for me to harm myself with something sharp, so I took to biting myself. The blood flowing down my body was such a release, the scratches an outward display of inner pain. But it just wasn't enough. Soon the blood flow no longer caused pain, and I started to run into windows . . .harder than usual. I would bash my head against the window over and over, until the blood flowed from my temple and the glass cracked at the point of impact, blood spreading through the miniscule cracks. It was beautiful.

I could feel a numbness spreading through my body as the red spider webs continued to spread until they reached the very window frame. I welcomed it as a sanctuary from the storm of remembrance.

In an instant, all was clear. I could remain in this beautiful cloud of ignorance. It was so simple, and I was surprised I had not thought of it earlier.

I knew I must act quickly, before the faint pink of the Eastern sky gave birth to the hideous sun. I must be gone before that mockery of happiness tried to erase the feared and welcomed darkness of night. If my love could not be with me, I would send my bleeding soul to be with her.

Through the twisted joy that reached me through this revelation, the steps to my ultimate destination became clear in my mind's eye. There was no reason not to finish off the window- my blood was all ready flowing through its newly formed veins. If I was to fade from existence, then why shouldn't it as well? A final collision of self to self, to end the flow of blood, of memories. If a final blow would not be enough, a short dive down would suffice.

I was waiting too long, the numbness was retreating from my dark and sorrowful being. The pain was slowly pouncing back. Now not only was my dead love torn violently from Earth and screaming through my essence, but other murmurs were sneaking in. The despairing wails of the living were almost as mournful as those of the dead.

Guilt gushed up inside me. It would be impossible to stay, but I don't think I could now leave my loved ones who still, despite all circumstances, found reason to live in this black abyss, without a goodbye.

I'd leave a note- they wouldn't understand, but it would be better to have something. My last words, I suppose- not that I had ever really said anything during my wretched life.

I grabbed the pen off the desk in the room I was in. I felt that I had a lucky moment when I found a blank sheet of parchment by this quill. It was most likely a sign, that the gods were in fact hastening my doom.

When I finished, I glanced down at my miserable chicken scratch. It was pathetic, but so was I.

The window, and death, was before me. I closed my eyes, and dove into destiny.

The Note

To My Dearest Family and Friends-

My eyes are open, and yet all I can see before me is a consuming darkness of pain, misery, and the tomb of my fallen beloved. Please do not blame me, but instead the bleeding world in which we live, the one that cruelly snatched my Hedwig, the drop of innocent white among the more tainted colors of the Earth. Farewell; my fallen soul is calling to sink even further into the depths in the ocean of despair!

-Errol

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